How to Stop Chain E-mail Forwarding from Relatives & Coworkers

by Brett Borders on June 29, 2009

The #1 most dreaded faux pas of online etiquette, for me, is when someone adds me to an e-mail list and regularly sends me corny viral e-mails or promotional stuff. It’s especially yucky when they CC: everyone’s address visibly into the header – which makes it easy for other chain e-mailers or commercial spammers to harvest my address and mercilessly blast it with more junk.

It’s not the 90’s anymore – mass E-mail isn’t the place for this.

If you stand your ground and bluntly tell relatives and co-workers you don’t want their forwarded e-mails, it often hurts their feelings. The culprits are usually warm, emotional, non-tech-savvy people who are still part of the “web 1.0″ culture which doesn’t understand social media sites and RSS feeds. Sending chain e-mail is their way of showing they care about you – and your asking someone to cease sending the “funny” and “important warning” mails can feel like a slap. Sometimes it can even end the relationship, if the person is especially sensitive or clueless.

How to Protect Your Inbox Without Hurting People’s Feelings

Being extremely diplomatic while defending your e-mail privacy can lessen the impact. Thank them for caring, explain why you can’t handle unsolicited e-mail, elicit their sympathy, and use the situation to introduce new social media tools that offer you better filtering controls:

Dear Aunt Selma,

I appreciate you thinking of me when you saw these kitten pictures – they’re quite adorable!

However, I wanted to let you know about some e-mail issues my account has been having. I typically get over 100 business e-mails a day that require a response on my part. Then I get almost 50 Viagra, penis enlargement and acai berry spams. If my inbox get even one tiny bit more cluttered with non-business or non-personal messages, I get really stressed out because I lose the important personal e-mails in the shuffle.

Therefore, I kindly ask that you do not add my name to CC: or forward me any e-mail message, unless it is written and addressed to me personally.

(Please uncheck my address from your list before you hit send.)

You are always welcome to send me a personal e-mail message about anything, and I’ll be able to see it and get back to you soon.

If you’d like to share interesting links or picture, I’d be happy to check them out outside of my e-mail box . These days most of my friends have moved over to Twitter (http://twitter.com) – why don’t we connect on there? Sign up https://twitter.com/signup (it only takes a minute), send me know your username and I’ll be able to see what you’re up to. You can discover links to interesting stories – share them with a huge community of people – and it’s so much more fun than e-mail!

Check out the Twitter Guide book – http://mashable.com/guidebook/twitter/ – and give me a call if you need any help signing up or figuring it out. I’d be more than glad to help you!

Love you and talk with you soon,

-Brett

p.s. Are you on Facebook? You can add me as a friend on there, too! My profile is http://www.facebook.com/blah-blah-blah

——-

How do you feel about unsolicited e-mails and forwards from relatives and co-workers? Do you tolerate them? How do you manage them?

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  • Perfect timing. My e-mail -- the one I only use for personal correspondence too -- was recently added to an e-mail list by a friend of a friend. Someone I've met, but don't know. So not cool.

    I hope you don't mind I'll be copying sections of your letter and sending it to her.
  • TheFutureIsRed,

    For me, that's the worst feeling. Adding my e-mail to a list without asking me is like adding my cellphone number to an autodialer.

    Feel free to copy what you need. It may hurt the person's feelings, but it usually works.
  • B. McAllister
    Better than what a friend does...

    He uses a different unconnected email address and 'replies' to the email with a request to be removed, as well as CC'ing any email address that was visible ih the original forwarded email, but this time, he changes the original forwarded content (leaving all the >> and stuff alone). He changes it to something that is extremely personal ("Have you tried XYZ to deal with your herpes? blah blah blah")

    Usually people on the email stop forwarding them.. but I think your way is better and more direct.
  • Well, I just delete them.
    If there are thousands of mails coming from one person I remind him or her on a friendly basis (first) to stop that:-)
  • I guess your approach is ok for non tech savvy people but I think you should be firm about this issue when dealing with tech savvy people. I work in an IT company with more than 700 employees most of which are Software Engineers. But I still get mails like this from them. A blunt firm response usually ends all mails chain or otherwise
  • Why can't you flag your aunt's email address? send it to the spam box?
  • Aunt Polly
    This is bad advice for dealing with people you actually know. The person is sending you something because they are being inclusive and you return the favor with exclusion. It doesn't matter the content of the mail, you have plenty of ways to filter without telling the person, in essence, to stop spamming you.

    The person thinks the content they are sending is interesting or funny and by forwarding it makes a judgement that you will like it too. To respond that not only do you not like, you think the person is wasting your very valuable mailbox space is a pretty big insult.

    If you don't know the person or don't care to insult them, go ahead and follow this advice. You can argue all you want that the spammer is showing poor etiquette but part of social etiquette is tolerating the attention of others. Be gracious to the people in your life.
  • Thanks for sharing.
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