Social Media “Rockstars” vs. “Narcissists”

by Brett Borders on November 16, 2008

Social media has given us some amazing new channels for self expression. Common people are getting empowered and gaining an international audience by creating and sharing good stuff.

But just like digital cocaine, social media can also inflate people’s ego in a nasty way.

Rockstar? Or vapid starlet in love with your own digital reflection? image: jhuffman

It tempts us with a hypnotic, digital “mirror” that we can gaze into anytime - or all day long if we choose to. And it offers us hundreds of new ways to spread the latest gossip… which causes some people to get completely absorbed in the “me” part of social media.

The whole scene reminds me a lot of the dot com bubble of 1999… when a giddy, reckless sense of excitement over the new technology and culture heavily blurred the line between fantasy and reality.

One current phenomena that I find odd: just making a lot of chatter and noise is enough for some people to become “famous.”

What is a Social Media “Rockstar”?

kevin rose

Digg.com founder Kevin Rose. image: Garrette

Here’s my own personal definition:

A social media rockstar is a charismatic & highly-skilled person who gains a large audience because of their successful online projects and/or selfless community contributions.

A musical rockstar creates songs that inspires thousands of fans to fill stadiums, scream along and hold lighters in the air. A social media rockstar creates content and builds communities that inspire tens of thousands of people to link and leave blog comments.

While some rockstars can develop big egos, they’ve got recognized accomplishments to back them up:

  • Popular bloggers who create valuable information resources.
  • Community-minded organizers and top contributors on social sites.
  • Founders, designers and architects of successful social technologies.
  • Creators of “smash hit” viral content that spreads around the world like wildfire.
  • Researchers and teachers who selflessly help lots of other people “get it.”

To me, people like Kevin Rose (co-founder of the top social news site ), Maki (#3 Digger and Technorati Top 20 blogger on social media culture), creatives like the Cracked.com publishers or Matt Inman (who consistently produce viral hit, after hit, after hit), or bloggers like Chris Brogan or Marshall Kirkpatrick (who spend a substantial amount of their time online creating guides and resources designed to help people) are the genuine social media rockstars.

What is a “Social Media Narcissist”?

There are plenty of people online who have managed to create a sizable audience without much in the way of skills or selfless community contributions. These social media narcissists participate heavily in the online conversation, but if you look closely you will see that most of it is just chatter about themselves, their opinions and their friends.

Some common traits of social media narcissists:

  • Self-absorbed. They blog and tweet almost exclusively about themselves, their thoughts, their pictures.
  • Rarely mention others except for personal buddies or admirers.
  • Spend most of the day on Twitter.
  • Perform little to no “real” work - don’t code, design, publish or promote much (except for themselves).
  • Some live outside of the economic “real world”: independently wealthy, supported by their parents or spouse, live on venture capital $ or have a cushy job.
  • Have a high noise-to-signal ratio.
  • Complain a lot, yet create little of substance. Some use troll tactics to get attention.
  • Attend lots of technology conferences just to party and hang out.
  • Start their own conferences in order to feature themselves and friends as speakers.

Some examples of social media narcissists would be most mommybloggers, “Senior” social media strategists at big companies or PR firms (the ‘theoretical’ ones who talk big but have no social media presence or real life experience), and full-time Twitter “celebutantes” who hang out in cafes all day… chatting up several thousand mutual friends and spambots.

Some self-absorbed people may be very influential or get a large following but I still don’t consider them to be “rockstars.” I think of ‘em more like social media “talk show hosts” or “rappers.”

What Do You Think?

Am I a social media rockstar? Not even close. Am I a narcissistic new media douchebag? Man… I really hope not. But I admit that I am driven to learn how to use social media more effectively and to reach a wider audience.

Not for the warm fuzzies I’ll get from peeking in the digital mirror, but because I love connecting, sharing and helping people. I honestly believe that social media has potential to spark a powerful, positive force in human evolution if we filter the noise and learn how to use it uber-consciously. (And also because I’m totally hooked on it… so why not go all the way ;) ?)

So, what’s your real social media agenda? Who do you think is a real social media “rockstar”? And what’s your take on the noise and the narcissism that comes served alongside the good stuff?

Please leave your comments below!

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Tagged as: narcissism, new media douchebags, online egos, self promoters, social media rockstars

  • Social Media ?Rockstars? vs. ?Narcissists? http://bit.ly/864M Love This post, thanks @styletime for letting me know about sphinn.com :)
  • O melhor post que j
  • @BrettfromTibet Oh do I have a follow up for you man! Great post! http://tinyurl.com/69awg2
  • Social media Rockstar or a Narcissist? @BretFromTibet can tell you. Tx @DaveTaylor for tweeting this: http://tinyurl.com/69awg2
  • i enjoyed this differentiation of rockstars vs. narcissists - often confused: http://is.gd/7QES
  • Nem preciso comentar:
    http://tinyurl.com/69awg2 Social
    Media "Rockstars" vs. "Narcissists"
  • Exposed: the Noise, Narcissism, & Rock Stardom of social media - http://tinyurl.com/69awg2
  • interesante: social media rockstars vs narcissists http://tinyurl.com/69awg2
  • Social Media ?Rockstars? vs. ?Narcissists? http://is.gd/7QES nice post by @brettfromtibet
  • Contraposi
  • RT @chriswinfield Social Media ?Rockstars? vs. ?Narcissists? http://is.gd/7QES nice post by @brettfromtibet
  • Parece que tudo que eu queria dizer j
  • Brett, you will always be a rockstar in my book. This post is spot on and I wish you had guest blogged it on one of the bigger blogs where the writers as well as their massive (sometimes unwarranted) audience would read it and take some time off for self-reflection.

    I think the biggest example of this narcissism is Valleywag and their biting attacks on others while they themselves haven't accomplished much. I guess time does justice to everyone right?
  • Great post and points. Glad to see you making your mark as well and coming up with good content to discuss. So much fluff these days it is nice to see something thought provoking.
  • Brett Borders
    @Muhammad,

    I haven't paid much attention to Valleywag for a long time... I am usually reluctant to "bash" people myself and while some might construe this as a negative post, I have caught wind of so much brash social media narcissism and b.s. recently I just had to "let it out."

    @Brent,

    Thanks! I agree there is a ton of fluff, but I think it's because we are still in the easy, early days of social media where any kind of noise can create some buzz. I think as the amount of online publishers increases and things get more and more competitive, the standards will go higher and people will "filter" more. And it will get harder for marketers to promote content, also, unless it's really hot.
  • While humble in your own status as a Rock Star, I can say with great insight that I personally know how hard you work and apply yourself. Not all influencers have massive following like the Rock Stars, as there are plenty of amazing REAL musicians that are not popular but even the Rock Stars admire.

    Others that may or may not be Rock Stars that I like a lot in the social media space:
    Jeremiah Oywang, http://www.web-strategist.com/blog/
    Brain Solis, http://www.briansolis.com
  • I agree wholeheartedly. One factor I'd add is that followers feed the narcissism by indiscriminately following, celebrating every tweet no matter how dim, hanging on every word & generally behaving like wacky groupies.

    While online technologies have had a democratization ripple, quality & discrimination have also suffered. Many get big heads because this is the first time anyone has listened to them. And I really despise the cliquey, in-bred love sharing of posts that don't even have a semblance of correct grammar, forget good writing.

    I blog as an extension of my in-person, brick & mortar contribution. Feels like that keeps it honest & useful.
  • I think some people think they are rockstars due to the masses that love the drama and will latch on to the next big gripe.. i.e. #mortinmoms ... when in reality they are just whiny people full of negativity.
  • Thanks for the definitions. I suppose I am part social media rockstar, part social media narcissist, but mostly just a social media dabbler. I wonder if having just launched the Zoomit Canada social bookmarking site I might tip the balance a little more toward the social media rockstar side ... or just become an over-energetic social media dabbler. :-)
  • Brett Borders
    @James,

    Thanks, but hard work does not equal rockstar status. Successful projects and community contributions that inspire a large following do.. at least in my book. I think high-profile contributors like Jeremiah Oywang and Brian Solis fit the bill much better ;)

    @Pamir,

    That kind of behavior drives me nuts. I call the mass following the "McDonald's effect". They serve cheap greasy food that makes you feel queasy - but because it has branded itself as a popular American restaurant since 1955, it enjoys a cult following - even though many restaurants are tastier, healthier and more buzz worthy.

    It is the first time many people have listened to most of us.. and it's admittedly quite exciting... but some people get too easily excited about very little, imho.

    @Paisley,
    I've been seeing the #motrinmom tag all morning.. gonna have to see what it is for myself now.. thanks!

    @David,
    It looks like you're working hard to create social media tools and build community... so that's pretty cool in my book!
  • Well covered, Brett. You're a creative writer that knows how to keep people reading to the end of the page. You are a rockstar in my book :)
  • Okay, enough about me - let's talk about you... what do YOU like about me?? ;)

    Seriously? I fit a number of qualifications for your social media narcissist - but I'm okay with that, I don't claim to be a rockstar either.
    What does that make me? Either a new media consumer or a new media practitioner - depending on whether I'm doing it for me or for a client.

    But yeah... there are far too many who confuse 'self promotion' with 'marketing' - if the only thing you can market is you? You need to rethink your career track.

    The only place I'm a rockstar is on Chris Brogan's rockstar list - along with about 3,000 other people who don't mind having their link there. Me and the 3k rockstars - woot! :)

    Great article Brett.
  • Wow, you really nailed it on the head with this post. It is amazing how many people waste away the day to be a so called "Rockstar" but really provide no value at all. Just narcissistic clowns running a muck in the social media space. Great Post! :)
  • Brett Borders
    @Brian,

    Glad you liked it. Stay tuned for more ;)

    @Lucretia Pruitt,

    We are all stories that are being written, works in progress.

    I've got some creative and helpful tendencies, and a strong ego, too.

    With this blog I am just trying to look for best practices... talk to and search for some of the most respected and successful people on the internet (the true "rock stars")... emulate their good points... learn from their mistakes... and avoid known pitfalls.

    @Tony,

    Glad you liked it. I am willing to tolerate all kinds of quirks and noise if a person has something to say.. something to share.. some kind of substance... but, like you, I have noticed that social media is giving temporary fame to some people who not only have little to share, but also display really bad manners.
  • Brett, awesome post. From what I've seen, those that distinguish themselves as rock stars do so by making the decision to put more value in quality than quantity. I *could* tweet all day long, but then when would I get any work done?
  • Great post, Brett!

    Glad this got voted up on Sphinn.com because it gave me the opportunity to discover this little gem.

    Rest assured that there are many of us fellow non-Rockstars who work diligently to avoid falling into the "narcissist" bucket.
  • Brett Borders
    @Tara,

    Very true!

    I see the true rockstars as extroverted and community-minded. They're more prone thinking "What do they want? How can I help fill this need?" instead of "Here's what I want:"

    I like Twitter but I don't DEEPLY LOVE it. For me it's both a cool tool and a dangerous distraction.
  • Too funny. The irony within the post, within the comments, and the placement of this in the social media space. Nice work.

    Given the above images, I wonder about your perspective of women, though. Just wondering.

    As for reality,anyone who is actually working in the online space can qualify a talking head within minutes. Never underestimate the positive power of celebrity, or the costs of negativity.
  • Social media "rockstar" versus "narcissist"...John Lennon vs. David Lee Roth?

    I think that I fall into the social media "air guitarist" category. I can surf the day away and view great interactive content, but do not really contribute like a true rockstar would. Great post and rockin' blog!
  • Brett Borders
    @Bobby,

    Thanks so much for stopping by.... rock on (however you like to rock)!



    @John Andrews,

    My perspective on women? I love and respect them very much.

    Why did I put a picture of the "Rockstar Energy Drink" models? Because I wanted to illustrate "glamorous" "rockstar" and "image conscious" - and that was one of the better pics I could find on Flickr Creative Commons. ;)

    Why did I put a picture of Kevin Rose? Because he founded a successful social news site, and as he is speaking, he is blowing people's mind (see facial expressions) and people are recording his words with cellphones....

    Why a picture of Julia Allison and her friends? Because I don't know a more perfect example of social media narcissists who talk a lot and say relatively little.

    Glad you enjoyed the post, look forward to your comments in the future!
  • BugFrog
    I get your point, and agree with much of it, but writing off an entire group (any group, you chose mommy bloggers) seems extreme. There are people in every social group that contribute, create, support, and inspire. Just because we may not be interested in that topic doesn't make all of them "social media narcissists." For any social group, there will be a signal to noise ratio that outsiders can't quite discern because they don't get it. It's pretty easy to knock outsiders, especially when they aren't around to argue.
  • Brett Borders
    @BugFrog,

    I'll admit I've spent a limited amount of time reading mommyblogs, but I have looked at a handful or two... on lists of the top ones.

    I guess I expected more out of the mommyblog "phenomena"; I assumed they would have lots of solid articles parenting and good mothering. Sort of like the Lifehacker of being a mom.

    But quite a few of them I have seen are just personal rants about "what happened today" and "I hate this" mixed with a generous blast of ads and oblique product promotions.

    Is this bad? No. Narcissistic and self-focused? Somewhat. Can other mothers who have very similar experiences relate to them and find value and inspiration? Almost certainly.

    If you have any examples of less personal, less commercial, more "rockstar" mommyblogs that are focused on providing tips and help to their readers, I would be glad to check them out and reconsider my position.
  • Oh believe me - I know how fortunate I am to have the role models I do.
    But given that I've had the career success I've had in my life, I'm content not to try and 'claw my way to the top' right now. I just swim in smaller pools. And if I live on Twitter at the moment? It's because I can - not because I think it makes me important. :)
    Still a fabulous post. I know I'll be referring people to it over the long haul!

    ~geekmommy
  • Hi Brett,

    I get very annoyed by it as well. In fact, I can barely stand to use the phrase "social media" anywhere near relating to what I do. Its so bandwagon - you know, everyone is a social media consultant, guru, genius, etc. Who self-labels like that except the Paris Hilton's of the world? Ick

    That's why I think you will appreciate the content on my site that's related to social media strategy: http://www.copydiva.com/social-media-strategy/
  • Brett Borders
    @Geekmommy,

    Hey, I live on Twitter, too, I'm just in denial of it ;)

    I guess the sentiment that sparked this post is that I have interacted with some "big ego" social media types - both online and off- who struck me as extremely petty, insecure and generally NOT NICE people. Like Hollywood wannabees up to their earlobes in name droppings ;) Acting in ways that would never fly in a school, company or non-profit.

    I admit I have felt excluded or outright snubbed by some grand-poobah on Twitter who thinks they are "God's gift to the internet"... or "the very definition of social media expert" - and when I start to examine them more carefully (what are they all about? what is their contribution to the community?) Then I find out it's an awkward con game they feel obligated to maintain... using "high-school lunch table" psychology and politics.

    That's the type of person this article is about. I'm sure you've met one or two.
  • BugFrog
    But that is the point. I don't really get - and never will - what they are about. What they need, want, and desire out of technology, social media, and each other is very different from what I need, want, and desire out of those things.

    Writing off a group we don't understand with name calling is parallel to the people who wrote off Twitter, the Internet, computers, and cars as "a fad that will soon pass." The tech that we are so fortunate to work with is being used in ways no one ever thought it would. I hope to continue working with it where ever it goes, and not have to become a senior media strategist who just doesn't understand anymore. There is always the chance that we are missing the point, not them.
  • Brett Borders
    @Robin,

    Your social media page is AWESOME! Intentionally left blank.

    I think it's hard to survive unless you toot your own horn to a certain degree. If I hadn't asked some friends to check out this blog post no one would ever read it - being a brand new blog.

    Here's my Darwinian social media theory: the less you have to contribute.. the louder you must toot your own horn or act hostile to scare off would-be competitors... or else you face almost certain extinction or irrelevancy. That's why some people can seem so nauseatingly obnoxious or badly behaved.

    @bugFrog,

    I totally get it. Frames of reference. One man's trash being another woman's treasure. Projecting your misunderstandings out onto others, etc.

    But if I don't have some opinions or take stances on stuff.. how can I generate any interest in a brand new little social media blog? ;) I'm not trying to slag people for traffic, I'm trying to define what are the best practices. And I promise it won't be all my opinions... it will feature lots of people's opinions, experiences, interviews and takes on things.

    Stay tuned!
  • Agreed with your definitions here, Brett. Well said.

    To me, the social media rockstar is more than just a one-hit wonder -- they are continually successful in the social media space and they interact with their community instead of just broadcasting into it.
  • Brett Borders
    @Shey,

    I totally agree. A rockstar busts out hit after hit. It's a lot of pressure, but some people have the chops.
  • Great post! Rock star content :)
  • Brett Borders
    @Andrew Hyde,

    Cheers, man. Thanks for all your support & stay tuned!
  • You know, I was really digging your post and thinking, "This dude is a total rock star" until you lashed out at mommy bloggers. I am a mommy who blogs, but not necessarily about motherhood. Honestly, I've found the other mommy bloggers to be an incredibly giving group of women--as you might expect from mothers. Narcissists? Come on. What do you have against mothers? Is this Freudian?

    I can't tell you how often Mommy Bloggers have helped me out by stumbling my stuff, commenting, helping me understand how various techy things work, and just sending me encouraging emails. I've done the same for them. It's true that most of us fall into the category of entertainment blogs--people who write essay type blogs about their lives vs. how-to blogs. Yet if someone with depression or who is in a terrible marriage comes to my blog and feels better, isn't that a public service?

    I'm not offended here. Some of what I wrote is in jest, but I do think you might just be a tad jealous of this growing very strong group of bloggers. Mommy Bloggers just took down Motrin this week. They are currently banding together to raise $ for Toys for Tots. Which of your categories would those traits fall into?
  • Brett Borders
    Alisa,

    I said "most mommybloggers" were narcissistic (self-focused & craving for admiration).

    I have checked out some lists of supposedly the "best" mommyblogs, and I was disappointed at the quality. I assumed the best mommyblogs would feature "Dr. Benjamin Spock" type articles, or hot tips, like the "Lifehacker" of mothering... really solid articles and insights about parenting.

    Mostly I just saw a lot of personal, self-oriented rants "How my day went.." or "I hate xxx / So pissed off" - and also lots of catty stuff. I also noticed a brash commercial emphasis: advertising and promotional stuff - both upfront and sneaky.

    Am I totally hallucinating for noticing this?

    Do I have anything against mothers? Not in a million years.

    Am I jealous of mommybloggers? Nope. I just think most of them have a very different concept of "blogging" than I do. I tend to think of blogging in terms of ("What will people want to want to read about? How can I help them out?") and a lot of mommybloggers seem to think ("People want to read all about ME! And my son / daughter. And how my day went.")

    Are mommmybloggers sweet and helpful to each other? I'm glad to hear they are!

    Re: "Motrin Moms" - I think this incident is way overblown. I thought the ad was definitely a dud... but I also noticed the vicious, hyper-sensitive defensive reaction. It seems like a lot of mom bloggers are insecure about their presence online and in modern society.

    Thanks for your comments,

    Brett

    p.s. If you know any examples of non-self-focused, high-quality blogs on mothering/parenting... stuff that you don't have to be part of an inside clique to appreciate... something even a soon-to-be-dad could appreciate... I would be glad to check them out! I am open to updating my opinion on "mommyblogs."
  • Brett I'm scared!

    On one hand I know I'm not a Social Media "Rockstar"

    on the other I have:

    1) Created my own conference which my friends have spoken at Scary SEO

    2) I spend a lot of time on Twitter

    Am I a "new media douchebag"?

    Someone kill me if I am!

    Good post bud
  • I find that...no wait...I sometimes..no. OK. How do you start a sentence without 'I'?

    Thanks Brett - really great post. Sphunn!
  • Brett Borders
    @DaveSynder,


    I got the impression you were a nice guy, write about search marketing and you actually do work. The narcissists have a bad attitude + think they are God's gift to the internet. They (think they) are the prize, not what they do or contribute.

    @Ben McKay,

    Thanks, man! ;) Glad you dugg.

    It's okay to say "I" in my book... just not 101% of the time. "You", "we" and "they" and "us" are also great personal pronouns.
  • Amy
    Brett, to speak to Alisa's point, I think what you're missing is the subtlety of the value offered by some of the so-called mommyblogs. You're saying they should all be practical, hands-on, Dr. Spock "here's how you parent" blogs. Speaking as a mom and a blogger, the last thing I need is more advice. The internet is full of advice. My pediatricians are full of advice. Libraries and bookstores have shelves crammed with advice. Trust me, my mother is full of advice, whether I want it or not! What I want is camaraderie. I want to know I'm not alone in the battle to get my teenager to realize that his high school grades are important. I want to cry on someone's shoulder when my younger son gets teased at school. I want to know that others find parenting frustrating and draining at times. I can get plenty of advice for fixing those things--but sometimes I just want to know that I'm not the only one going through it. That's the problem with your approach; you're cutting out that camaraderie as an unnecessary benefit, where to me (and many mommybloggers I know), that's what makes things like blogs and Twitter so worthwhile. Noise to you, immense value to others.
  • Brett Borders
    Amy,

    Thanks for your response. It does help me understand mommyblogs better.

    I never said mommyblogs were bad... but many tend to be so personal and self-focused... more like journals than "blogs"... that it would be hard to understand unless you personally knew the author and/or were a mother who has had an extremely similar experience.

    If I were to write a blog about the argument I had with my brother on Saturday, or how awesome my new station wagon is, how burned out I get from being a single freelancer who spends 15 hours a day online, or how enraged I got the 12th $#%$#% time Google Keyword External Tool broke for me in a single evening... or how freaking hard it is to build links for this client... or how I like my hair shorter than longer because it starts to look thin if it gets too long...

    In hopes of camaraderie... well, I guess I would be afriad I would totally alienate my readers.

    I also think it would be really boring for other people to read. Maybe I would get some self-satisfaction / therapy from writing it.. and some support from my personal friends... but I think it would be totally lost on most of humanity.

    There's nothing in the world wrong with keeping an online journal - about mothering - about fishing - about being gay at a big corporation in Manhattan - about anything.

    But this particular blog is focused on discovering social media "rockstar" people... who I (partially) define as the more extroverted, selfless, community-oriented online participants.
  • Why does there even have to be any kind of differing descriptions? Everyone uses things differently for what suits them - social media is no different.

    While some of the "narcissists" may be self-centred (and there will be differing opinions on that), if they bring a rockstar into play just by knowing them, they've done the community a favour.

    The same goes for "rockstars" - I'm sure they've introduced many a narcissist into the equation, but does that make the "rockstar" any less valuable?

    The thing is, people use things the way they need to use them. Offline it's the same - some people may come across as selfish while others come across as selfless. Yet even the most selfish people can have moments of selflessness, and vice versa.

    You'll attract, and be attracted to, the people that are most like you - there's enough room for all types. Criticizing one type just because they don't fall into a sub-category seems to negate the whole "social" part of social media.

    Just a thought. :)
  • Brett Borders
    @Danny Brown,

    Why the need for taxonomies and descriptions? Well... cause I'm a blogger and I need something to write about. ;P

    I'm not trying to be judgmental.. just noticing that people become famous for different reasons... and since this is my most shard / commented post... it looks like others have feelings or observations about it, too.
  • Josh
    There are plenty of people online who have managed to create a sizable audience without much in the way of skills or selfless community contributions."

    So please tell me exactly what software you have been developing, creating, and improving? Oh wait, you're just a...<gasp> user!

    Sorry man, you're not a rockstar; you're just a regular user. Like I said, what have you coded lately?
  • Josh,


    Uh... first no one said that I or anyone else was a "rockstar" -
    Social Media Rockstar is just the name of a collection of social media
    tips I publish in a blog format.

    Second, are you suggesting that only coders & software developers add
    value or improve the social web?

    I would heartily disagree with that.
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