Social media is a popularity contest. Although not everyone keeps score, there is a distinctly competitive element where people race to build up the most fans, as quickly as possible. Having a large quantity of fans can help you be successful and spread your message. But the size of your online shadow — the (often invisible) enemies who dislike and distrust you — can have have an even bigger impact on your influence.

Ahmadinejad “won” the election, but lost the respect and cooperation of many Iranians and international leaders

If someone thinks you’re uninteresting, they might unfriend or mostly ignore you – but they usually won’t try to get in the way of your success. However, if you speak / act / brand yourself in a way that offends someone enough to put you on their “bad list” – they will oftentimes try to quietly “block” your message from getting out to others:

• Won’t retweet, reciprocate, or recognize you – ever again.
• Anonymously downvote your stories or comments.
• Whisper or gossip negative stuff behind your back.
• Will recommend “anyone but you” for jobs, speaking gigs, etc.

In more severe cases, people will aggressively try to sabotage your chances of success. They might publish negative or defamatory information about you. Or they’ll go behind the scenes and ask people to blacklist you, or file complaints with the authorities (search engines, site moderators, employers, event organizers). This can quickly erode at the thousands of hours of effort you’ve spent creating goodwill and a positive personal brand.

Active Resistance is the Ultimate Buzz Killer

Creating major buzz around your ideas requires an unbroken crescendo of community cooperation and enthusiasm. A just couple of grudging downvotes or influential people snubbing you early in the cycle can very easily keep your message from gaining momentum fast enough. This is why I believe your online enemies can be more powerful than your friends… your enemies are usually much more diligent about blocking the spread of your message than the average acquaintance is dedicated to spreading it for you. Here’s the rough equation in my head:

Detractors are much more likely to resist your efforts than casual friends are willing to support them.

I see the most successful and influential people online as those with a relatively large number of fans and relatively few harsh detractors. To me, an aggressive marketer with 10,000 superficial friends “on paper,” but only 50 who really trust and endorse them — and a shadow of 50,000 people who feel they’re a spammer, loudmouth or self-centered jerk… has far less true influence than a person with “only” 450 diehard fans who will do anything for them and 5 people who dislike them.

There’s always the temptation to cut corners or do things quickly to get ahead – things like auto DMs, mass e-mail lists, follow and unfollow games, copying people’s ideas or content, bragging, flambait & personal attacks… and they might work to some degree but they often have the side effect of hurting people’s feelings and respect for you. People’s respect is a vital and difficult-to-repair social media asset.

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There’s a well-documented obsession with “big numbers” in social media. Whenever the mass media does a story on Twitter, they usually mention how many followers each person has. More is better, right? Well… I say that if Pete Cashmore (@mashable) has 1,000,000 followers – that’s quite impressive and valuable – for him.

But if you are intent on climbing higher on the social media ladder, you’ve gotta decide who is most important and strategically valuable — for you — to spend your limited time interacting with.

Reaching out to the less-connected “little guy” has many big advantages. image: schlag

Reaching out to all the 4, 5 and 6 figure “big guys” isn’t necessarily the best strategy for making new friends and partnerships. In fact, many of them are too swamped for you to expect anything beyond a flakey, surface-level relationship – if you can get their attention at all.

Benefits of Befriending Less Popular Users:

If someone just started out last month and only has 87 followers, many people would automatically pass them over as insignificant. I personally think that’s a huge mistake, as the “little guys” can be some of the most valuable people to invest your time in. Here’s why:

• The “little guy” is more likely to see your updates.

@guykawasaki and @kevinrose are powerful players, but unless you end up either investing in their companies or sleeping with them… there’s only a slim chance that they’ll personally see your message. Even if someone is “only” following 4,000… they may well miss most of your updates.

• They “little guy” usually has more time to interact.

She isn’t overloaded with links and requests yet, and is far more likely to have a spare moment to reply to you, leave a comment on your blog, or Digg your stories.

• The “little guy” will never forget you when they become “big” and popular online

New users are starved for help and attention. If you reach out to a newbie and help them figure it out, you’ll stay in their “inner circle” for life.

When I go to the Twitter directory We Follow to find new friends, I feel they have it backwards. At the top they show the “power networkers” with tens of thousands of followers. I skip those people – because I know they’re probably too slammed to pay any attention to me – and go right to the back of the list. There’s where I like to find friends who probably have to time to chat, or extra space on their screens and RSS readers.

Connecting with influential people is also important… but my own strategy is to spend about 30% of my time establishing and maintaining my relationships with “bigger name” people, and 70% of it reaching out to newer people who seem like they “get it.”

I’ll invest time in anyone who shows promise and potential, let the relationships form… and then watch as my “social garden” blooms in a dazzling variety of colors and connections.

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